These few days were like roller coaster for me...There were so many ups and downs. Never been hurt so deeply before, yet I have learnt to let go. The more i wish i can hold onto, the more I'm losing it. I'm too tired to be tied onto such miserable feelings. Someone that I thought I knew them well, but in the end it was the other way round. No matter how hard I tried, how much I give out, there were no proportional return. One can be so subjective, one can think that he or she is always doing the right thing, making the right decision, making the correct judgement. But have they ever tried to think or feel in others' shoes? I'll recover...I'll have better life without you all...I can live better.

Myself (Part II)

After writing 'Myself' two years ago, I found that a lot of people started to call me Sailormoon. This irritates me, so I would like to make it clear now: I like Sailormoon but I am not her. Therefore, stop......calling......me......Sailormoon!!!!! 'Myself' Part II is a promise that I made to all of you at the end of Part I, so I think I have to fulfil my promise now as this is my final year in school.

Having gone through a year and a half, I cantell you that a lot of things have changed with me. Some of my characteristics are not the same as before and even my personal view of life is different too. I do not have a stubborn streak anymore. I mentioned in Part I about not apologizing or admitting my mistakes if I felt I was right, but that is an old story. I have learnt to be a girl who even admits a mistake that is not her own fault. I do not know why I have become like this. This is not the 'me' of before. I have found that this way of dealing with others is better. 'Sorry' is not too hard to say, but it definitely strenghens the relationships and friendships as everyone in the world likes to hear humility in the voice of others. So, I am just playing my part part in satisfying their ego. Yet, I must admit I am still a stubborn person in some other ways and tends to hold onto my views about something that i feel strongly about. That, I will not give up.

Before this, I would not have believed things would change like friendships, friends or even my own nature. But since going through all the dilemma of the past years about human relationships and the natures of the human beings in this world that I would not like to mention here, I have started to believe it. Things change and if we try to stop them from doing so, worse will happen. It is better to let them change and no one will get hurt, although we ourselves may have to face a little depression alone. i have also learnt that making friends is not so easy. It is like gambling. A sa friend of mine once told me, you cannot place all your bets in one placebecause it is very dangerous as you only a fifty percent chance of winning. If you lose, you will lose everything. But if you place your bets in different places, you will have more chance to win. This is what making friends is like. You cannot waste your feelings and time on one person as this person may reject you and you will be hurt deeply. But if you make friends with a few person, you will definitely find a best friend. That is what I am doin now and I got a few best friends already. I would like to thank one of my closest friends since primary school for giving this advice to me- Liew Ann Chi.

I really appreciate what I have experienced these paet two years have brought me. I am in a class of 50 people who are co-operative and friendly. i will always remember this class of mine, 5Sc1, for giving me a great challenge in academics. I will not forget all of you.

My hobbies have not changed yet as I still like to read comics, horror stories and science fiction novels, and I still liek Sailormoon although now I have a new favourite cartoon, which is 'Ninja Boys'. I still hope to achieve my dream of travelling around the world in 80 days some day. Besides that, I am still a Sagittarian who believes in the horoscope.

I said before taht I was an optimist and I sttill am. I still agree that we should not torture ourselves as we are in control of our own lives and we should make our existence a happy one. So, everyone should be happy. Stop being uptight and stop pressuring yourselves about the stress that you are facing in your life.

This year I am facing a very important examination, which is the SPM. I would like to wish good luck to those who have supported me by being good friends to me. I wish them all the best and hope they obtain good grades they are hoping for. Among them: Pooi Chin, Hui Kin, Ting Khee, Ann Chi, Mee Yen, Diana, Sook Ping, Li Min, Siew Ling, Wei Jen and Grace Leo. There are so many others-friends, you know who you are and forgive me for not putting your names here as place is limited.

There will not be a 'Myself' Pert III, although I am sure I will go through many changes in my life. But I hope you all will enjoy this conclusion anout me, the one you knew two years ago.

Good luck to all of you.

Myself (Part 1)

When I used to write compositions about myself, I kept writing the same thing and I am bored with it. After all, think about it: we are given the same old title in Standears Five and Six as well as in Forms 1,2,3,4... and 5. From now onwards, I will write a really special composition about myself. Let's talk about my character.

I am a very confident person but I am confident because I think of myself as being confident. Does that make sense? Sometimes I am too confident and this makes me meet with failure. For example, I received the highest marks in my Moral test out of the whole form two years ago but I failed to be the best last year because of over-confidence.

I am an optimist. Although I do meet with failure and have cried over it, I will be all right the next day. I will not dwell on my problems because they will only trouble me and make me unhappy. Why should I torture myself when I am in control of my own life and I am responsible for making it a happy one? I love to joke and ask a lot of nonsensical questions and sometimes this irritates my friends and teachers. I admit that i go overboard at times when cracking jokes because some of my friends become mad at me and reachers, well, holler at me to SHUT UP!

I love to argue and I love arguments because I can practice my debating skills, but you will never catch me entering a real debate. I just hate arguing 'officially'. Sometimes, I make my friends angry with me when I attack and counter-attack what they say.

Do you want to know how I have the characteristics above? Even if you don't, I will tell you. I acquired them when I was in Standard Six. In my primary days, I was bullied and always scolded by friends over petty things. At that time, I was a very timid person and did not know how to protect myself. I decided to defend myself when I was in Standard Six and became a very optimistic person who loved to argue. My friends lost in the arguments which took place.

I need freedom and do not like be controlled by anyone. Maybe this is my nature as I am a Sagittarian. I believe in the horoscope because everything it says about my character is the truth and nothing but the truth.

I am a very stubborn person. Sometimes I behave the right way but sometimes I do not. I will not give up easily on anything. On the other hand I won't admit mistakes or apologise if I feel that I am right. My friends dislike this aspect of my personality. I would ignore them and not talk to them for a few days. I have stubborn streak.

I am a person who cannot make decision in a limited span of time. I need a lot of advice and the opinions of others before making my own decision. I have no idea why I am like this. Perhaps some part of me is still that unsure Standard Three kids.

I hate doing anything under pressure. I am the type who does not liek to study. My aim in life is to relax. I love to read comics, horror stories, mysteries and scientific novels. I love to watch cartoons, especially Sailormoon. I like the character of Sailormoon because I think she is like me. She is a very careless and giddy-headed person like me. I like to listen to music, especially Cantonese, Mandarin and English songs. I love to travel and I wish to travel around the world in 80 days some day.

Sometimes, I think I am a very, very lucky person. I have been treated well by whoever created me. I am the tyoe who revises only on the day before examinations and yet I have never failed. One experience is getting 5A's and 1B in my UPSR even though I studied a day before the examination.

Actually, this kind of study method is not encouraged by teachers, so don't try to follow my example or you will regret it your whole life because you are not as intelligent as I am! I think the method suggested by teachers are useless because if you do your revision too early, you will forget everything, thus wasting your time.

I think I should stop here. This is only Part One. You can have Part two about myself next time. I hope everyone will enjoy it. I love to have friends who are older than I just so that they can be my sisters and brothers. I am jealous of the others who have brothers and sisters to guide them through their life. So I hope to get friends with this introduction about myself although my friends are annoyed with my behaviour but don't let this stop you from being my friends.

Prologue

I wrote about myself few years ago.....1st time was in Form 3, 2nd time was in Form 5....I think it's time for me to write about myself and how things had changed in me for the past few years. However, before the part 3 of myself is posted, I think I should 1st reveal the first 2 parts of Myself....and let u guys to see the changes in me....Ok...(drum roll) for the 1st part of Myself in 1997...

Untitled

It had been quite some time since my last post....about 2 month-time i guess. There were a lot of tension in my life lately. Assignments, final year project, tests, lab work, friendship tension....all the stuffs were messing up my normal life. My final year project entitled: PRODUCTION OF METHYL ESTER. I was so sick of this title. i didn't know what was I doing. I dislike process plant but I was forced to deal with it for the whole year. Oh gosh..!!!Assignments, pushing me to the edge and due date was always the first thing i needed to bear in mind. Had to handle both of these things at one time. Tests, were not my favourite. Sometimes I really think that I have no luck in tests. No matter how hard I study, I still wont score. Maybe that's my luck....need to struggle hard just to get a moderate results. Friendship, my worst part of life. Never imagine myself having such problems. Never manage to be the ideal friend to others. It was really hard to change one's perspection on you. The mind set was strong....once you were wrong, you will always be like that...Once it was said there is no 100 % return on what you have given and I have definitely proven it... Sometimes I really wonder why...but only God knows. The more you struggle to hold on, the more it will slip off from you....I think it's time for me to learn to let it go and time will be the best medicine..I hope one day I will find some friends who are really willing to be my listeners and wont think that I'm using them. Different perspections and definition of friendship were the main cause of the issues....I thought what ever was brought up should be considered as settle, yet it did appear again as an unforgetable issue. Sigh....Starting uni on coming monday....very fed up and sien. Dont wish to go bac uni...Fed up with the work load and life there.Just wish can stay at home forever and really have a piece of my mind.....